Aaahhhh, the 90’s…
It seems like only yesterday we were in youth group singing out the chorus of Shout to the Lord with a WWJD bracelet on our wrist and a True Love Waits card in our wallet. Despite the fond memories that decade brings, we must admit that some of the Christian songs we played in our youth halls and tape players were just plain bad.
As the product of a 90’s evangelical upbringing and the former co-manager of a Christian bookstore, I’ve deemed myself specially qualified to offer up this list of the Top 5 Really Bad Christian Songs of the 90’s.
Let the countdown begin…
#5 The Devil is Bad – by The W’s
Unbeknownst to parents in the 90s, the approval rating of the devil was skyrocketing among young people thanks to secretly back-masked secular songs. Luckily, a ska group named The W’s rescued us with a timely reminder that the devil, as suspected, is bad. Fun fact: This was the first and last Christian song to have ever been sung to Satan himself.
#4 Lean On Me – by DC Talk
A staple song of the youth hall, this DC Talk remake cracks the top 5 in honor of loners like me who didn’t have a partner to rub shoulders with during the big Lean On Me verse. Reminiscing over this song brings up a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams. Hey youth pastor! While your Jesus freaks are having fun with this cheesy song, there ain’t no disguising the truth that I’m sitting alone.
#3 Breakfast – by Newsboys
Have you ever wondered what hell is like? Wonder no more because according to the Newsboys number 1 hit in 1996, we can know for certain that “they don’t serve breakfast in hell.” That might be true but I’m pretty sure they loop that song. Fun fact: This song was so bad that DC Talk wrote a response to it entitled What Have We Become.
#2 Who’s In The House – by Carman
What do you get when you combine the flair of David Copperfield with the rapping skills of 90’s sitcom nerd Carlton Banks? That’s right. Its best-selling Christian artist Carman rapping his way to the Dove Awards with this really bad attempt at being relevant. Fun fact: The name Carman was adopted when it was learned that our non-Christian friends kept begging us to “stop playing this song in your car, man!”
[you must watch the video for this one]
#1 Big House – by Audio Adrenaline
It was the anthem of youth group night in the 90s and if you’re not careful, you’ll be singing it to yourself for the rest of the day. It’s a big big song with lots and lots of problems. Namely, that it’s a song about heaven. If heaven was designed by college frat guys. Though not quite as cheesy as our number 2 song, the corny and semi-sacrilegious lyrics of this Christian megahit along with the compulsory kindergarten hand motions put this really bad Christian song solidly at number one.
Home Run – by Geoff Moore and The Distance
R.I.O.T – by Carman